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| I just got back from a restful and fun weekend at my parents' house. The cause of this visit was the direct orders from my doctor to take some time off. It seems like I run and run but rarely have anything of any substance to show for it! All my life I have been taught that if you just work hard and do your best, you will achieve your goals. However, I still work at a seemingly dead end job and am basically in the same spot or at least the same neighborhood I was in when I graduated from college almost two years ago. This is so frustrating to me and it is so difficult to know what to do in order to change my situation. I want to follow God's will for my life, but I wonder if I haven't pulled a "Jonah". I pray that I haven't gone off on my own tangent and God is waiting for me to see my error and return. I don't really feel any direction from Him and that really scares me. I know that He has great plans for me and what not, but I just wish that I could get started on those plans! I know that God's plans and timing are perfect, but we all know that I am very impatient at times and love to be in control. I've been reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, and though there are a lot of things that I don't like about his writing, what he says is so different than what I am used to hearing that it makes me think. My life is NOT about me! How profound is that? In today's society we are all about self expression and living it up for yourself. I like how Mr. Miller puts it: "The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: Life is a story about me." My point is, no matter how worried and frustrated I get that I am not where I want to be in life, oh well (notice all the times I used "I" in that sentence??)! God knows the story line and how long I have on this earth. He will be glorified through my life and accompishments. I wish that I was already in my career, but for whatever reason that is not what God wants for me right now. I would love to be married right now, but obviously God has bigger and better things in store for me at the moment. While all of that was seemingly easy enough to type, I am still struggling to to accept it and believe it as truth! My heart knows that God is sovereign and mighty, but my head and flesh wonder and worry if I will ever be somebody or accomplish things? Nevertheless, I trust my God to be my Sustainer and Friend and to see me through to the end!  | | |
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Lately it seems like a lot of sucky stuff has been happening in pretty much every aspect of my life. But this song keeps coming back to me. When crap happens, I have to decide what I am going to do about it, but even more importantly how I will let it affect me. Yes, I need to trust God for strength and guidance, but I also need to make sure that my attitude and actions line up right. So yeah...basically the old adage of "if the world throws lemons at you, make good lemonade" applies here!
Fireflight: YOU DECIDE
Fiction and reality collide
Faceless and so busted up inside
You've been searching you've been crying out
Will you be destroyed by all your doubt?
You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide
God is calling out to you again
Let Him pull you, let Him take you in
From the fear that swallows up for your life
Will you stay the same or will you fight?
You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
Only love can change your life
Every day you hold on to your lonely broken heart
(It's tearing you apart)
God is calling out to you just let healing start
(Will you open up and let Him in)
You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide
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| It is amazing what a little bit of perspective can do for your mind set and outlook on life and everything that revolves around it. Things seem one way and suddenly something happens that changes your viewpoint or sheds new light on the subject and the whole thing hits you like a ton of bricks. Its like "Hello! Come back to reality!" I think this is God's way of keeping me on "the straight and narrow" rather than me chasing little rabbit trails for my own pleasure (only used as a metaphor because I don't actually like rabbits that much!). As I was saying, I think that such revelation, if you will is meant to remind us that this is not our home and this old earth is only temporary. So HELLO...stick with living in reality where life really happens. Just because you think or wish or dream something doesn't mean that it will happen like that or even have anything at all to do with what God has for you or anyone else! I am not saying don't dream at all...just remember to keep your eyes open and your heart willing because God's plan is way bigger than your most spectacular dreams and hopes!
Just a lil bit of what is going on in my life.... | | |
| Life is going quickly...but don't worry I'm having fun along the way! However I have also lost my phone...so once I find it or buy a new one I will need to replenish all the phone numbers I lost. | | |
| "Biblical repentence is not just a feeling or a fear."
"Repentance is a radical change of moral purpose implied in an honest renunciation of all sin and full surrender of heart and life to God. It is not just trimming the tree of sin, but cutting it down. It is not just turning over a new leaf, but casting away the old book."
-James E. Smith | | |
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